Monday 11 July 2011

"Mr. Parking"

Time: 9:05am

Nancy: Good morning. Parking.
Upbeat Canadian man: “Mr. Parking” (40): Hi, I just spoke with you. So listen…
Nancy: No, I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve spoken before. There are other ladies in the office, so you must have been speaking with someone else.
(40): Okay, so just clarifying here. The by-law for on-street parking, what is the rule?
Nancy: You can’t park on a public road for more than 4 hours without a designated permit.
(40): Hmmmm. Okay. Okay. Makes sense. Okay so, just so we’re on the same page: you’re talking about public roads?
Nancy: Yes.
(40): And that’s 4 hours?
Nancy: Yes.
(40): Wonderful. You’ve been wonderful. Have a good one!
Nancy: Thanks. Take care.

9:45 am

Nancy: Good morning. Parking.
(40): Hey, I talked to you like half an hour ago, it’s the parking guy.
Nancy: Uh…I’m not sure if we’ve spoken. I talk to a lot of people about parking. It’s a parking office.
(40): Oh my god! Yeah! (laughs) Okay. Okay so let’s start over then yeah? (laughs) ...Like a date, oh god!
Nancy: (laughs..) Sure.
(40): Okay, so just long story short, my neighbours an ass. So he’s out here, left right centre on the street trying to get one of your guys around to tag my car any which way he can. So whatever. So that’s fine. But I got a ticket. I was on the street for a few hours. Now just to confirm, just long story short - how many hours can you be on the street then?
Nancy: (pauses, recognizing him)……….4.
(40): Okay, right, so yeah, it was 4. Okay great. Great. Okay thanks, take care.
Nancy: Thanks. Bye.
*hangs up*

10:40am

Nancy: Good morning. Parking.
(40): Heyyyyyyyy! It’s the Parking guy again.
(pause)
Nancy: Hiiiii.
(40): Okay. Just gotta iron some things out. So the law is 4 hours. Now what if I were to park for 3 hours and 58 minutes?
Nancy: Well………..that’s not 4 so…..
(40): Exactly. And 3 hours and 59 minutes…..
Nancy: Again. Not. 4.
(40): So how do your buddies know that then?
Nancy: The officers? They mark your tire…and then return 4 hours later and if it’s in the same spot then you haven’t moved, they issue a ticket.
(40): Hmmmmmmmm…..mark it hey? Okay. What? With chalk?
Nancy: Yepp.
(40): Okay, so if I park in front of my neighbour’s house for 3 hours and 59 minutes, and then move my car a few inches, they *can’t* issue me a ticket?(Pauses, and then whispers, slyly:) I am abiding by the law. Am I right?
Nancy: Well, yes, but that’s not really the most courteous of ways to park. A lot of people are annoyed about cars parked near their driveways.
(40):  Courteous! Let me tell you about courteous! He’s an ass! Now I won’t bother you with him or his grass or his dog or any of this but I mean his property line is essentially….
Nancy: (interrupts) Sorry sir, I can’t really speak to any of your other disputes but I’m just letting you know that it might be legal ….but it probably won’t solve any problems to park for 3 hours 59 minutes.
(40): Okaym anyway, great information. Perfect. Thanks again!
Nancy: Okay. Thanks. Bye.
*hangs up*

11:21 am

Nancy: Good morning. Parking.
(40): Hey. Parking guy again.
Nancy. Hi.
(40): Just a check in. So I was just outside where my car was when it got the ticket this morning…and I saw a penny out there. Do they put a penny on the wheel? Is that how they mark it?
Nancy: Not that I’m aware.
(40): Cause it’s clever. Really clever. But I don’t want that on *my* car, you know? If it sticks in between the ridges on the wheel and I drive… I’ll get a flat! Can you tell the guy, the officer man, not to do that again? Would you call him for me?
Nancy: I don’t think they use pennies….but I’ll put a word in.
(40): Great….and just to double check just so I don’t end up with another 20 dollar ticket again now…..4 hours? Public roads?
Nancy: ………………………….4. hours.

2:31pm

Nancy: Good afternoon, Parking.
(40): Yes, wondering if you can help me.
Nancy: Sure.
(40): Brilliant. So, the area in front of someone’s house that’s not their property but that is the road, that is up for grabs am I right?
Nancy: Are you the……parking guy?
(40): Yeahhh! Gotcha! We’re real pals now (loud laughs). So, I can see him sitting in his Italian living room watching the car, and he’s probably already called your office to get one of your guys on me. Now WAIT, you don’t HAVE to tell me if you've sent someone out or if he called, but I know. So,  I’m sitting here….thinking….what a joke it would be if he actually got me for parking in front of his own property. He'd be laughing. So, you know, long story made quick, I’m just making sure I’m following all of the other laws so that this doesn’t backfire- and I and up with another ticket on my dash again.
Nancy: (I am giving wide eyed looks to my co-workers who are, at this point, well acquainted with Mr. Parking)……You can park in front of someone’s property. Again - we don’t advise it because people don’t favour it but…
(40): Yeah great. Anyway it hasn’t been four hours yet so I’m not even worried yet. Perfect.
*hangs up*

2:46pm

Nancy: Afternoon, Parking Department.
(40): Hey. It’s parking man again. I know me.
Nancy: Oh, hi!
(40): Just wanted to say thanks. Some people are just vindictive like him...loonies. Just wanted to call again to say thanks for the info.It's been 4 hours, I moved it, so we're okay now. We're okay.
Nancy: Ok, great. Hope you will work everything out.
(40): Thanks again. You have yourself a great week!
*hangs up*

Later on, I searched our enforcement archive history and nobody had called to get him ticketed (Italian or otherwise) that morning - the officer just happened to be passing by.

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