Tuesday 12 July 2011

Sunny Jamaican Day

Nancy: Good morning, Parking.
(35 year old Jamaican woman with thick accent): Ooooooh good morning to you there sweet dear, isn’t it just a lovely lovely lovely beauuuutiful type day with smilin' faces and sunshine and all! And how are you I might add then hmm, how are you doin' then?
Nancy: Yes it is a nice day! I’m doing well, how are you?
(35): Ohhh just fine dear. Just wondering if you can help me then with this here parking ticket I got.
Nancy:
Yepp sure!

(35): I got the ticket here in front o' me because my Grandma, bless her soul, was just movin’ from the garage there behind the way and needed to bring in de groceries from the lot and just a moment out there and here is this bad bad ticket there on the dash. We don't got the money for it. I’m sure you know. It’s a bad bad time for tickets and timin’ like this.
Nancy: Yeah, I’m sorry. With a parking ticket or any other road charge it is all about timing and the officer being there at the moment that the vehicle is there. I can help you in choosing how to deal with the ticket, and help you to get the fine lowered.
(35): Ohhh I understand, dear, and isn’t it a tough world then, ehh?  On both of us ‘eerr strugglin? Now seein’ as it is my first ticket now and I’ve only been here in this town for so long now, I don’t know all the laws and such it would be so nice just to have a warnin’ this one time and I’ll be not missin’ it another day.
Nancy: Ahhh, sorry, I wish it were that easy and there were something I could do for you to cancel the ticket but with a parking ticket you need to speak with a Justice of the Peace or an adjudicator who might be able to withdraw the fine or reduce it. I can explain the processes if you have a minute.
(35): Noooo, then, hmmmm? There’s nothin’ a sweet one like you can do then hmm?
Nancy:
Noo, not to cancel the ticket. Sorry.

(35): Well damn you to hell and gone about then hmm, I juss tol’ you about my poor ol Nan and here with all de groceries and you hear I haven’t done nothin’ wrong to have to pay this ticket here. Come on how have some decency then will you and just fix this here up? We ain’t don nottin wrong and you pointin’ fingers and waggin’ tails. Haven’t you never done something and needed forgiveness?
Nancy:
Sorry, but really, there’s nothing I can do about the ticket. I can help you to request a trial or get the ticket reduced but not on the phone right now. I can’t delete a fine for parking in a fire route, or any other offence.

(35): Ohhh and watch out you little thief you then stealin’ the tickets the money! You know what be happenin to little thieves girl who come a knockin’ on the door of us here souls and workers and good people?You stumble into the lives of the sacred and you shake yourself all over us and wrattle us! Well I send a curse on your house, your family. You’ll pay for your sufferin’ you put on me. I’ll pay the damn ticket you little devil witch but one-aah these days you’ll be payin’ twice for me! Watch out and all yo’ steps and sidewalk cracks and anything you fall into will be my doin’!
*hangs up*

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